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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Top 10 Astonishingly Intelligent Ways to Cheat on Tests

1. Copy your notes backwards, because Da Vinci was a mofo. Tape this to the bottom of your desk. Bring a mirror and hold it under your desk to reflect the notes. Surreptitiously glance at it when you need to know the datethat Jimmy Carter was attacked by a deranged rabbit. When your teacher catches you looking at the mirror, tell her that you can't stop admiring your sexy good looks all the time. (James Unteidt, this one is for you, because your teacher would actually believe it. XD)

2. Get a T-shirt with Einstein's picture on it - the one where he has crazy hair and he's sticking out his tongue because he's a mofo. Flip the T-shirt upside down. Inside his crazy hair, write down physics formulas. During the test, look down at the T-shirt when necessary. Your teacher will assume that Einstein's exceptionally insane hair is distracting you, or that you have Tourette's.

3. This one works best if you're sitting close enough to somebody to hear them, but not close enough to see their paper. Both of you learn Morse code, because Samuel Morse was a mofo. During the test, tap Morse on your desk to ask your buddy what the answer is to number 5.

4. Take a fat, clear pen. Take a piece of paper. With tinyass handwriting, write notes on the paper, roll it so the text is facing outwards, and slip it into the pen. During the test, you can closely examine the pen when necessary. Be warned: you'll look like a dork.

5. Wear dark pants. Write on your hand with a light-colored water soluble pen. Look at it when necessary. If your teacher catches you, quickly sneeze wetly into your hand, and subtly slide it on your pants to erase everything. If your teacher sees remnants of ink, say that you had an art project the class before.

6. This works best if you're a girl or a flexible guy (or a guy with literally no balls). Take a slip of paper and write, once again, with tinyass handwriting on it. Tape it to the side of your shoe, and sit with your foot on your seat. Glance down when needed.

7. Take a sheet of notebook paper (preferred, because it has distracting colored lines) and with a pencil, write extremely lightly on it. Put it on your desk during the test and pretend it's your cover sheet.

8. This only works if you have somewhat thick, very long hair - as in, boob-length hair. Wear a bulky jacket. Record your notes by voice and safe it on you iPod. On the day of your test, wear your hair in pigtails and conceal in each pigtail the earbud and wire of your iPod, which you stick inside your jacket. Listen to your notes during the test.

9. Write all your information down. The day of the test, act very, very sick. Before your class period, stick the information somewhere in a nearby bathroom. During the test, claim you are about to throw up and run dramatically out of the room, and go to wherever you hid your information. Don't do this more than thrice.

10. Take your graphing calculator, and push 2nd, and then ALPHA. Write your notes. Leave it on your desk, and glance at it when necessary.

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