Top 10 Things I've Said That Windows Vista Has Mistaken For Other Things

The first word/phrase is what I said. The second is what Windows put down.

1. Shut up already - Republican

2. Hello there - Hitler

3. My intentions were good. - My intestines were good.

4. Beautiful - Booty gull

5. (A sneeze) - Screw you

6. Spoonerism - Booming licks

7. Colbert - Jesus

8. (Laughing uncontrollably at number 7 while little brother said, "What's that?") - Admission to suck what cat

9. President Bush - Resident Tush

10. Government - Covered shame

Troops.

(I know that not everybody that joins the military goes into combat. But still.)

Today I went to the airport with a few friends from our JROTC unit to welcome troops home from Iraq. I helped put together packages of snacks, cards, and other things together for the soldiers.

It was a really rewarding experience. When they came out of the terminal, we cheered, waved American flags, and displayed posters reading "WELCOME BACK HOME" and "WE LOVE OUR TROOPS." Two adorable little children in wee bitty baby ACU's popped up and ran towards their dad when he came out. All the women aww'd.

After the welcome was over, I couldn't stop thinking about the friends I have that plan to go to the military. The majority of people I know are from JROTC, and the majority of people in JROTC want to serve. Even though I'm not going to become a soldier myself, I'm surrounded that people that will be.

Thinking of these people running around in ACU's and in combat zones sort of froze me a little inside. War has always been a pretty distant topic to me. I know it's going on, and I update myself often with the situations in the Middle East, but for me so far it's been simply "news", or a popular memoir subject, or an analogy for something else. It's never been particularly close or real.

And in a few years, Gabriel, JL, James, and 12 other people I'm friends with will be in the military, training for combat.

I don't even know how to explain what I feel about this. I'm proud of them for wanting to serve. I'm sad that they'll be in such a dangerous and stressful and very likely lethal occupation. I'm happy they're continuing family traditions, and will get a boost in paying for college. I'm worried that they'll go through something that'll make them emotionally disturbed. It's a complicated assortment of feelings that overall, makes me kind of forlorn.

But I guess seeing and being able to welcome the troops back home today made me more aware of things. It really made me appreciate the soldiers and my corps-heading JROTC friends a whole lot more than I already do.

What I really hope is that if any of my friends go overseas, I'll be able to welcome them home too.

Top 10 Things I've Learned On Television

1. How, if you have no eyelid crease and are asian, to stab a toothpick into your lid so you can look more Caucasian.

2. Bill O'Reilly does not know what a panda is.

3. Looking back, those kiddie Disney movies had way too many crafty innuendos to count.

4. Jesus is fond of appearing on dog's butts, slimy bathroom mildew, and mold in uncleaned garages.

5. FOX News is an excellent example of Poe's Law, because I once watched it and momentarily thought it was a portion of The Colbert Report.

6. If there was a terrible accident but the person miraculously survived, it's always from God's grace, although nobody explains why God would have let the accident transpire in the first place.

7. Every time I bump fists with a friend, we both, for a nanosecond, become terrorists.

8. The jowlier the politician, the scarier.

9. Oprah controls the world.

10. Mr Milburn, this excerpt from a reported essay is for you (original spelling and grammar unchanged, emphasis mine.):

"Gravity: Doesn't exist. If items of mass had any impact of others, then mountains should have people orbiting them. Or the space shuttle in space should have the astronauts orbiting it. Of course, that's just the tip of the gravity myth. Think about it. Scientists want us to believe that the sun has a gravitation pull strong enough to keep a planet like neptune or pluto in orbit, but then it's not strong enough to keep the moon in orbit? Why is that? What I believe is going on here is this: These objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down. This isn't the case for earth, where we see the impact of transfered sin to material objects. The more sin, the heavier something is."

Top 10 Things I Have Written In My Notes While Zoning Out

Nothing against Mr. Reid, but most of these were taken during Art History. It's so dark, right after lunch, and totally conducive to nodding off.

Also, when I'm half-conscious, my mind combines dreams with reality. Hence the following insanity.

1. Christianity spread from Constantinople and the image of Jesus changed. He became a holy lollipop.

2. He became enlightened after somebody chopped off his bamboo stick.

3. After the compromise, they created the manifesto of destiny. Stalin not pleased.

4. (I was REALLY dozing off here) Vishnu....reclines half-nude....smiles at viewer.....such an exhibitionist...has boobs.

5. Eucharist - Christ is literally the bread. The halo around his head represents the wafer. Therefore, Jesus is a cracker.

6. Make members diagonally, sharper at ends. Stab through head.

7. tan(x) = not enough sunscreen.

8. He rose from the dead and then murdered his mother with a piece of bread.

9. His long earlobes and bushy eyebrows were forces of nature.

10. The temples were covered with raving animals and naked women. (Not exactly false, either. XD)

Top 10 Drugstore Makeup Products

1. Maybelline Sky High Curves Waterproof Mascara - It holds a curl wonderfully, lengthens, and doesn't smudge. A little bit difficult to remove, but Shiseido Makeup Remover (the one in the translucent bottle) works well on it.

2. L'oreal HiP Crayons - I don't even need a primer for this, and guess what? It actually works a lot better than UDPP as a base color, and UDPP is 17 dollars whereas the crayons are about 6 (and you get more product too). The colors are extremely high pigmented, work well on anybody, smooth, and shimmery where you get some dimension but not chunks of glittery-ness.

3. Revlon Eyeliner - doesn't matter if it's liquid or roll-up stick. This stuff STAYS. I can wear this all day without primer or topshadow, and even with doublelids, it smudges so little that only you would notice it if you stood 3 inches away from a mirror. Fantastical, blends very well for smoky eyes.

4. Covergirl eye quads - well formulated for a drugstore product, and cheap. The colors are magnificent. I have two, and I use them all the time. Their lighter colors (white, silver, pink) are extremely shimmery, velvety, and add gorgeous dimension. Their darker colors aren't as crazy pigmented, but on top of the L'oreal HiP Crayons? The color is vibrant and stands out.

5. Maybelline Quad in Chai Tea (or something "Chai" - these are perfect workhouse shades. The neutrals are awesome for contouring, and the copper is smooth and pigmented.

6. Maybelline Mousse Blush - smooth and velvety and buildable. The colors don't look washed out, and they stay very well.

7. Prescriptives Bronzer - the brown is gold-based and not orange, so you don't look fake at all. Baked Tan is an awesome cheek contouring color.

8. L'oreal HiP liners - okay, anything in the L'oreal HiP collection is definitely worth buying. But the teal color is legendary, gorgeous, and pops on the eyes. I have it. And I love it.

9. Maybelline Mineral POWDERS (not liquid) - doesn't break you out, smooth, not glittery, and looks very natural if you buff it correctly.

10. Maybelline Time Rewind Double Concealer - Highlighter on one end, and concealer on the other. The highlighter is pretty strong so only a teensy dab is great for both your cheekbones. The concealer covers up very well and has a nice yellow base to counteract dark tones.

If there's only 5 things on this list you can get, then get these (in order of GAH GET IT ALREADY):

1. L'oreal HiP Crayons
2. Maybelline Sky High Curves Waterproof Mascara
3. Covergirl Eye Quads (the one with white, black, silver, and plum burgundy is amazing)
4. Maybelline Time Rewind Double Concealer
5. Prescriptives Bronzer (Baked Tan)

Top 10 Quotes That Make Me Laugh

For some of them, I remember who said what and thusly credited them.

1. Give me one of those love smoothies.

2. That bug was bigger than God. It was a mountain! ..................wait. ~Yuan

3. My last wishes? I would like a cold beer and a stripper. Both of them preferably blonde. ~JL

4. Don't deflower my panda! (I have no idea why or how I remember this.)

5. Mom, it's okay. He's nice, polite, AND he's white and Republican.* ~Marianne

6. Where'd this milk come from? Christie? (Nope) Charlotte? (Not me) Did it come from.....God? (cue angels singing and sun shining) ~Heather

7. ....and then the test results came back and no, I didn't have a cold, I had an STD. Then I had to tell my mother and she started screaming at me for being a manwhore. And then a week later I looked at the test results again and realized that they weren't /my/ test results, they were my mother's.

....So I had a nice fall break. ~Ying

8. I'll even miss the potatoes. ~Hannah (I remember the most random things)

9. Nietzche is dead. ~God (If you get this you are a nerd.)

10. So I grabbed my sister's bra, put it on, and put oranges in them and bounced up and down...because I was curious, you know, about how it felt like....and then my sister walked into my room. ~Perry T.

*I noticed that a disproportionate number of my notes involves Republicans. I must secretly be in love with them or something. D:

Top 10 Signs I Had An Asian Thanksgiving

1. No turkey.

2. Nobody ate the white/American dishes.

3. The children were drinking beer.

4. There was actually good karaoke afterwards.

5. Nobody said what they were thankful for.

6. The only remotely traditional dish was mashed sweet potatoes. And that's a Chinese dish too.

7. Beer was drunk out of wineglasses.

8. Nobody understands the sentence, "No thank you, I'm full."

9. The moment somebody left the room, there was intense gossip about that somebody.

10. This morning, my dad took leftovers and made fried rice.

*Bonus sign*
Right after dinner, my mom made my little brother do math homework. o.o

Top 10 Reasons I am an Atheist

This is not meant to be offensive, and I am not giving reasons why Christians or those of other religions should be atheist. Out of my 5 best friends, 3 are extremely devout Christians, 1 is a self-described "lazy Christian", and 1 is atheist.

1. I thought Sunday school was storytime, and everything read aloud was fiction for the first year of my attendance.

2. I read about the Greek myths before I ever learned anything from the Bible, so I thought the Bible was full of myths too (which is untrue; some events actually happened, or at least metaphorically and not as exaggerated).

3. I asked my Sunday school teacher why Zeus was supposed to be fake and God was supposed to be real. He gave me a bad answer that even I, at 7 years old, could see through. I later asked this question to a Christian friend of mine, though, and she gave me an excellent and well-evidenced answer that I liked. So here it's not the religion itself, but the person explaining it.

4. I wrote a letter to God, but he never replied. My kindergartener heart was broken. I also wrote a letter to the tooth fairy, but she never replied either.

5. Because I didn't know at the time it was "bad" to be atheist. People are bigoted against us (Elizabeth Dole, Kay Hagan issue?), but at the time that I realized I was an atheist I wasn't aware of that.

6. Science.

7. I overheard two pastors arguing about gay rights. One said he was for it, and the other said he was against it. They both cited plenty of evidence from the Bible, and both interpretations were valid. At that moment I realized that religion can be changed by how religious leaders interpret it, and there's no true "pure form".

8. I accidentally picked up a grown-up's Bible when I was 9 and flipped to one part about rape, and another where there was obviously no rights for women. This bothered me.

9. Yuan Tao. She asked me if I was Christian one day. I said no. That was the first time I said it aloud, and somehow, it made it truer.

10. I asked God to save a friend of mine from getting cancer. I wasn't asking for a good day, a pony, or anything for myself, so "selfish gain at the cost of others" can be ruled out. But my friend got cancer and had to move to New York. Later, when I talked to her, she mentioned she was no longer a devout Christian. When I asked her why, she said that her pastors told her God was testing her. But other things the pastors said conflicted with his Sunday sermons of God punishing only non-Christians, and one can only come back from tragedy with a stronger bond with God.

Top 10 Things I Think are Ridiculous

1. When my 7-year-old brother corrects me on PreCalc homework.

2. An intelligent, gorgeous, and funny guy that's not taken or gay, but rabidly Republican.

3. The back of your head.

4. SAT's.

5. Creme de la Mer foundation. It's half the size of a half-pint water bottle and costs 120 dollars at cheapest.

6. GPA mongerers.

7. People who think global warming is nonexistent. Not people who think that we aren't causing it, but people who believe it's false.

8. Black lipgloss. And yet, I own a tube. And it's gorgeous.

9. Bonsai kittens.

10. This insanely popular video.

Top 10 Reasons I Actually Try at School

1. I'm in IB, so the environment rubs off on me. Both the procrastinate-on-projects side, and the study-10-hours-daily side. I live an excitingly stressful life.

2. I'm Asian. It's in my genes.

3. I'm already looking back at middle school and severely regretting the fact that I didn't pay attention more. I don't want to be in grad school, thinking of my time at PESH, and wishing I had fallen asleep less often in Spanish.

4. Although this doesn't happen often (I'm not trying to be egotistical or snobby), I get an uncomfortable tingly feeling when somebody references events in history that I should know more about but know barely anything about. In middle school, it was both World Wars. I didn't know which one involved the Holocaust.

5. Because I am the first in my family to have ever spent my childhood in such a wonderful country as America. My parents did not come here for nothing. I owe her good things for a 12-hour plane flight, the pain of childbirth, and the gift of life.

6. Completely shallow and superficial as this sounds, I can't bring myself to feel attracted to somebody who doesn't try at school and isn't in all honors, even if they are the next genius to walk the earth. I like people that push themselves mentally. It only makes sense I hold myself to the same standard as I hold others. Of course, there have been major exceptions to this rule. By this I mean, JL., get off your bootay and use that brilliant mind of yours in ways other than HACKING INTO YOUR FRIENDS' ACCOUNTS.

7. Opportunity.

8. There are times when people see the paper version of you and not the personality version of you. As much as that sucks, I want to have a good record because it's inevitable that will happen.

9. I've begun to notice times I fortuitously learn things. Like taking a decision to read Good Housekeeping (I don't know why) and learning the best way to clean off spilled nail polish is to just let it dry and scrape it off later. I don't want to miss some fact in school that might be useful later.

10. Unless the anybody is extremely dumb his or herself, I don't see how being academically stunted is attractive to anybody.

*Bonus Reason*

Because I promised my piano teacher that I would take everything out of life that I could.

Top 10 things I hate

1. When people tell me negative gossip about a certain person that I'm friends with. Not because I'll personally be offended, but every time I talk to them afterward, I'll be thinking about the bit of nasty news.

2. When people viciously support something and don't really know what it is. (OBAMA FOR PRESIDENT! WE ALSO LOVE HIS RUNNING MATE PALIN!)

3. When people have too much pride and ignorance to admit they're wrong.

4. When people randomly mutter "I don't know" in the middle of conversations when a question was never asked.

5. Cilantro.

6. Extremely shy people.

7. People who poke and endlessly bother/annoying hit on my best friends.
8. When people tell me a person has a crush on me. For some reason, I will get extremely annoyed at the person they mentioned for a week.

9. People who insist that when they say "nigger" they mean it as "ignorant people", not an extremely rude racial slur.

10. The dang Vietnamese lady who has got the wrong phone number and calls me, thinking I'm her son. "AAAH, WHY GRADES NOT GOOD? AAAH, WHY NOT HOME YET, ALREADY 10 AT NIGHT! AAAH, WHY YOU GET GIRL PREGNANT?" (<-- not even kidding)

*Bonus hate*: Facebook insisting that "Facebook" is not a word.

What happened?

I had this friend in elementary school, who I'll call Natalie (for anonymity). She was a really pretty, sweet girl that all the teachers absolutely adored. Stereotypical description? Yes, but she truly was like that. Very nice, and always cheerful.

In 3rd grade our school split into two feeders, so I didn't see her until this year in 11th grade. At first I didn't recognize her, because she had changed so much. But gradually, as she began talking about her boyfriend, we realized that we had been friends eight years ago.

She'd changed so much. About three days each week during lunch hour, she goes out of school to get stoned in her car. She's been to juvenile once, and her personality has completely changed. It's not like she grew up in some ghetto area of town - her parents, I remember, were upper middle class and I remembered them to be rather nice as well.

I'm not saying that Natalie, in any way, is a horrible person. She's still nice, though now she's extremely inclined to violence when she loses her temper. She's addicted to three kinds of drugs. This is not the kind of person I, or any of our elementary teachers, would have imagined for her. If anything, I should have been the child that grew up a stoner. I had so many behavioral problems, never listened, and was so socially inept that my first-grade teacher suggested my mom to put me in this sort of special education course at school for problematic children. My mother never did.

I turned out to be okay. I'm not a perfect student, but I actually pay attention in class, I have a lot of friends, and I'm generally regarded as some goody-two-shoes, which Natalie was before.

I'm just wondering - what happened?

Not that it's one specific event, but how did our supposed roles switch like this? In some ways, Natalie has already made it difficult for herself to succeed in later life, what with the marks on her records and her barely-passing grades. It sometimes makes me sad when I think of her (and then I feel bad for feeling sad >.>) and just how things have changed over eight years. Is it that somehow, society has failed on her? Could there have been a moment where there should have been help, but it never came?

It makes me frustrated because of this. I know I'm probably superextending the issue, but because of Natalie, I've tried to be there when my friends look upset, instead of edging away and letting them work through their own problems. I don't want the cumulative effect of not being there to eventually negatively affect the ones I love.

A Significant Add-on

I was talking to a friend, Jake, in the hallway today, lounging around before school started. I don't remember what exactly we were talking about, but the topic of us both being atheists popped up. A nearby student overheard us, and joined in our conversation.

Even though I've encountered my share of the crazier religious people, I was still surprised to see somebody my age so deeply entrenched in Christianity and his bigoted attitude toward not only those that are atheists and agnositcs, but of other religions as well (I found this out after relating the following conversation to a Buddhist friend). Normally, I get the "It's okay if you're not Christian, as long as you're religious" approach, but this was completely different. He nearly started attacking my friend and me.

Unfortunately, the student picked the absolute worst people he could have chosen to argue with, because my friend and I were both exhausted from studying, and are rather laid back and don't provoke easily though Jake began to get (to my amusement) more and more irritated today.

Me: blah blah blah atheist blah blah
Him: You're atheist?
Me: Yup.
Jake: Me too.
Him: You know you're going to go to Hell for that, right?
Me: I don't really believe Hell exists, so....you might as well be telling me that I'm going to Azkaban or Mordor for the rest of my life.
Him: You're denying the truth.
Jake: (shoots rays of apathy) If we are, why is is such a big deal to you?
Him: Just telling you that you're making a bad decision here.
Me: Oh, okay. Thank you for telling us.

*awkward silence on his part*

Him: Have you ever been to church?
Me: Yes, I've gone from first grade to fifth grade.
Him: And yet you're still not Christian?
Me: Yup.
Him: I'm telling you you're going to regret that for the rest of your life. When you die, you're never going to be able to enter Heaven at all.
Jake: (under his breath) And you are?
Me: Please don't try to convince me to be Christian using arguments that I don't believe exist.
Him: There should honestly be a commandment against not being a Christian.
Jake: There should also be a commandment against being an annoying idiot.
Him: You shouldn't insult me. (This was the oddest thing I've heard as a rebuttal, but to the poor kid's credit, his only arguments to support himself seemed to be "You're going to Hell", and he was running out of repetition power.)
Jake: In that case, don't insult me by believing that I'll listen to your stupidity.

After this, the kid had his own moment of awkward silence, and walked away. Jake and I began to talk about how random his butting in had been, and Jake said, "He should be able to believe what he believes, and I should be able to believe what I believe. And then everybody should stop bugging each other about it."

I agree with that point, but with an add-on.

People should be able to believe what they believe, and not let that affect others in what those others perceive as a negative way.

I'm not completely against religion - I've seen it help people, and raise their self-esteem and just generally make them happier with life. I've seen agnostics who, after Christian friends worked their influence, became religious. I'm really fine with pamphlet-passing and Bible-giving, and though it can get kind of annoying on occasion, it's never hurt me physically or mentally.

What I'm against is violence caused by religion, or constant harassment in extreme ways to start going to church. A kind suggestion, a couple of flyers - I'm perfectly fine with that because I realize that Christians get something from their religion and want to spread the goodness. After all, if I encountered something that bettered my life, I'd like to share it too. What I'm against is when they try forcibly for you to take this "goodness", because religion isn't for everybody. Whereas it helped my best friend rebuild his life, it created a huge strain on one of my other friends before she became atheistic. There are limitations to human beings, and one of them is the extent of belief. If we are doubters, then don't punish us for being that way. I'm rather sure that Christians don't want to be punished for being Christian, either.

Top 10 Quotes That Make Me the Best Set-Up

After a particularly embarrassing conversation with Robby, he mentioned that I was probably the best set-up for "that's what she said jokes", and listed a few instances. And then after recounting this incident to another friend, he told me that I say things without thinking and they often come out painfully comic. So, here is a tribute to my naivete.

1. (referring to a sine graph set on radians, which Kevin helped me set up.) "Wow, why is it so long? And big."

2. (referring to boba latte) "I like the ones with the big balls."

3. (referring to odd stains on my backpack) "There's weird white crusty splotches on it."

4. (after saying number 3 and being roundly laughed at, Robby mentions that the splotches aren't white, but rather red. And I go on to say...) "Well, it was certainly white last night."

5. (referring to a kind of clay) "You have to rub it for a very long time. And if you do it right, it'll harden up pretty quickly."

6. (playing with my friend's knitted creation) "I thought you said it would be stiffer. It feels kind of floppy to me."

7. (referring to a piano technique) "In this instance, it's better to slide your fingers slowly over it, one by one."

8. (when asked what was the ruckus down the hall) "I'm not too sure. I heard a lot of banging on the wall and shouting though."

9. (My friend and I were sucking on lolipops - yeah, I know - and he finishes way before I do.) "Dang, your tongue is fast."

10. (referring to the different sizes of the basketballs) "Why are all the black balls two times bigger than the others?"

An old friend

In two years' time, I will go to university and begin my life as an adult. With this transition I will forever leave the house, but more importantly, I will forever leave a memory.

There is little at home that I left an imprint on. My name is written in tiny letters on my bathroom window, and written again on the bottom of our sofa. But these imprints are insignificant, and when I look at them I remember only moments of boredom. The only object in the house that I can call my own in terms of emotion, in terms of memory, would be my piano.

Out of my carelessness, and then out of habit, I very rarely took the trouble to wipe it down. The thousand fingerprints were a source of all my teachers' aggravation, but now it serves as an album. I can see a faded smear of my elementary-school hand across the piano cover, left from when I opened the piano for the first time and heard the full colors of each note. On one of the glossy black legs there is a double print of my little brother's and my fingers, pressed there when I joined him to play underneath the piano. The lid has lost its lustre, and is dulled under seven years' worth of prints from lifting and closing. There are a 9-year-old's prints smudged next to a 16-year-old's prints. Hundreds of piano pieces have been played into the strings, their echo in my memory. I can sit at the bench and reach for the keys, as I have done for over ten years, and feel the songs in my fingers.

The piano, by now, is my oldest friend. I must leave it behind when I go to university, and with it, lose a bastion of memories. I will feel the presence of it fade away from my hands until it becomes, finally, only a reminder of my childhood.

"HELP! My son is emo and turning gay! What to do?!?!"

Have a laugh.

I certainly did!

It's almost sad.

This is a conversation I had with a classmate that began over the answers on her test. I've kept the basic subject matter and words exchanged, but naturally, my ego and her astounding stupidity made me emphasize the difference between our brain functioning.

But she did talk like a valley girl, so much so that I was seriously concerned over whether she was doing it on purpose.

Me: Good job! You got a 90.
Her: *looks at her paper* Wait....but I got this question right.
Me: No, the answer was "Christianity and Islam."
Her: Okay, I'll admit that "Catholicism" wasn't right then...because Christianity and Catholicism are two different religions...but like, Islam and Muslim is the same thing.
Me: *falter* Er. Firstly, Catholicism is a part of Christianity - they're not separate entities, and besides, the correct sect would have been Protestantism. Secondly, Islam is a religion, and Muslim is a person that believes in Islam.
Her: *skeptical* Ummm....what are you saying? I'm Catholic. I know that they're two separate en - enet - tits - thingies.
Me: I'm an atheist, so I don't go to church and all that, but at least I know that they're not separate.
Her: Er, you kind of admitted that you know nothing about religion, so why do you think you're right?

My atheist classmates start listening to me here, a little shocked to be hearing this.

Me:.....being an atheist means that I don't believe in a God or affiliate with a religion, but it doesn't mean I don't know anything about the Bible or religious history. The basic facts are that Christianity existed for a very long time before Martin Luther came along sometime before the Renaissance, objected against the Church, and "protested" against paying for indulgences and whatnot. The Church was pissed and the two groups separated into Catholicism and Protestantism.
Her: Um, is this some kind of joke?
Me: I - I'm sorry, what?
Her: Martin Luther lived in the 1900's. That's after the Renaissance, right? And he did civil rights and stuff, not religion.
Me: (At this point, I'm struggling not to stab myself with the pen I'm holding.) No, that's a different Martin Luther. But the point is that Catholicism and Protestantism are under the umbrella of Christianity, like rabbits and dogs are under the umbrella of mammals.
Her: Okay, whatever. Stop making stuff up. It's so obvious that you're wrong.
Me: No, you can go look it up.
Her: And prove you wrong. Do you have something against me or what that I'm Christian?
Me: *can't wait to move away from Texas* No, no way. One of my best friends is devoutly Protestant, and the other is super Catholic. (And my third best friend is hardcore atheist.)
Her: Sure they are. But anyway, I don't see how Islam and Muslim matter.
Me: The question asked to which religions did the Parthenon serve through history. Muslim can't be an answer because it's the people, and everybody should know this since the terms have become more commonplace after 9/11. That's why you can't get credit for it...since it's kind of common sense.
Her: Oh my God, this is so unfair. I'm taking this to the teacher. Stupid atheists.

-Our teacher is Catholic, and has mentioned so a couple of times.-

The Teacher: Sorry, I can't give you points back. This stuff should be obvious.
Her: *pouts*
The atheists in the room: *triumphant*
People who hate her in the room, ergo, everybody: PWNED.

"I want a boob job! Let's kill your mom!"

WTF HAVE WE COME TO?!

Overheard Conversation: Boobs

These were two very straight and very masculine guys I overheard. And a random but awesome girl.

Guy: You've got manboobs.
Dude: Look who's talking.
Guy: (pokes his chest) I know. They've been getting pretty big.
Dude: I think you might need a bra.
Guy: Not as much as you do. You're probably a C at this point.
Dude: (fondles his boob thoughtfully) Yeah, you're probably right.
Guy: I mean, you're bigger than most of the girls at our school.
Random Girl: Really? (Grabs herself and Dude's left manboob to compare) Oh my god, you're right. (Squeezes once or twice)
Dude: I'm going lingerie shopping tomorrow now.
Guy: I'm coming with you.
The Bus Driver: (snorts)

Morbidly Funny

I've edited the conversation a bit to make it flow a bit better, but this conversation allegedly happened. If you don't get the humor at first, then say the first line aloud.

Taylor: I want to try Bawls.
Dad: You want to try what?
Taylor: You know...Bawls...the energy drink.
Dad: Oh thank God.
Taylor: (dot dot dot)
Dad: I thought I raised you wrong for a moment.
Taylor: (dot dot dot)
Dad: I was about to get my gun.
Taylor: (OMG DOT DOT DOT)