Top 10 Things I've Said That Windows Vista Has Mistaken For Other Things

The first word/phrase is what I said. The second is what Windows put down.

1. Shut up already - Republican

2. Hello there - Hitler

3. My intentions were good. - My intestines were good.

4. Beautiful - Booty gull

5. (A sneeze) - Screw you

6. Spoonerism - Booming licks

7. Colbert - Jesus

8. (Laughing uncontrollably at number 7 while little brother said, "What's that?") - Admission to suck what cat

9. President Bush - Resident Tush

10. Government - Covered shame

Troops.

(I know that not everybody that joins the military goes into combat. But still.)

Today I went to the airport with a few friends from our JROTC unit to welcome troops home from Iraq. I helped put together packages of snacks, cards, and other things together for the soldiers.

It was a really rewarding experience. When they came out of the terminal, we cheered, waved American flags, and displayed posters reading "WELCOME BACK HOME" and "WE LOVE OUR TROOPS." Two adorable little children in wee bitty baby ACU's popped up and ran towards their dad when he came out. All the women aww'd.

After the welcome was over, I couldn't stop thinking about the friends I have that plan to go to the military. The majority of people I know are from JROTC, and the majority of people in JROTC want to serve. Even though I'm not going to become a soldier myself, I'm surrounded that people that will be.

Thinking of these people running around in ACU's and in combat zones sort of froze me a little inside. War has always been a pretty distant topic to me. I know it's going on, and I update myself often with the situations in the Middle East, but for me so far it's been simply "news", or a popular memoir subject, or an analogy for something else. It's never been particularly close or real.

And in a few years, Gabriel, JL, James, and 12 other people I'm friends with will be in the military, training for combat.

I don't even know how to explain what I feel about this. I'm proud of them for wanting to serve. I'm sad that they'll be in such a dangerous and stressful and very likely lethal occupation. I'm happy they're continuing family traditions, and will get a boost in paying for college. I'm worried that they'll go through something that'll make them emotionally disturbed. It's a complicated assortment of feelings that overall, makes me kind of forlorn.

But I guess seeing and being able to welcome the troops back home today made me more aware of things. It really made me appreciate the soldiers and my corps-heading JROTC friends a whole lot more than I already do.

What I really hope is that if any of my friends go overseas, I'll be able to welcome them home too.

Top 10 Things I've Learned On Television

1. How, if you have no eyelid crease and are asian, to stab a toothpick into your lid so you can look more Caucasian.

2. Bill O'Reilly does not know what a panda is.

3. Looking back, those kiddie Disney movies had way too many crafty innuendos to count.

4. Jesus is fond of appearing on dog's butts, slimy bathroom mildew, and mold in uncleaned garages.

5. FOX News is an excellent example of Poe's Law, because I once watched it and momentarily thought it was a portion of The Colbert Report.

6. If there was a terrible accident but the person miraculously survived, it's always from God's grace, although nobody explains why God would have let the accident transpire in the first place.

7. Every time I bump fists with a friend, we both, for a nanosecond, become terrorists.

8. The jowlier the politician, the scarier.

9. Oprah controls the world.

10. Mr Milburn, this excerpt from a reported essay is for you (original spelling and grammar unchanged, emphasis mine.):

"Gravity: Doesn't exist. If items of mass had any impact of others, then mountains should have people orbiting them. Or the space shuttle in space should have the astronauts orbiting it. Of course, that's just the tip of the gravity myth. Think about it. Scientists want us to believe that the sun has a gravitation pull strong enough to keep a planet like neptune or pluto in orbit, but then it's not strong enough to keep the moon in orbit? Why is that? What I believe is going on here is this: These objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down. This isn't the case for earth, where we see the impact of transfered sin to material objects. The more sin, the heavier something is."

Top 10 Things I Have Written In My Notes While Zoning Out

Nothing against Mr. Reid, but most of these were taken during Art History. It's so dark, right after lunch, and totally conducive to nodding off.

Also, when I'm half-conscious, my mind combines dreams with reality. Hence the following insanity.

1. Christianity spread from Constantinople and the image of Jesus changed. He became a holy lollipop.

2. He became enlightened after somebody chopped off his bamboo stick.

3. After the compromise, they created the manifesto of destiny. Stalin not pleased.

4. (I was REALLY dozing off here) Vishnu....reclines half-nude....smiles at viewer.....such an exhibitionist...has boobs.

5. Eucharist - Christ is literally the bread. The halo around his head represents the wafer. Therefore, Jesus is a cracker.

6. Make members diagonally, sharper at ends. Stab through head.

7. tan(x) = not enough sunscreen.

8. He rose from the dead and then murdered his mother with a piece of bread.

9. His long earlobes and bushy eyebrows were forces of nature.

10. The temples were covered with raving animals and naked women. (Not exactly false, either. XD)

Top 10 Drugstore Makeup Products

1. Maybelline Sky High Curves Waterproof Mascara - It holds a curl wonderfully, lengthens, and doesn't smudge. A little bit difficult to remove, but Shiseido Makeup Remover (the one in the translucent bottle) works well on it.

2. L'oreal HiP Crayons - I don't even need a primer for this, and guess what? It actually works a lot better than UDPP as a base color, and UDPP is 17 dollars whereas the crayons are about 6 (and you get more product too). The colors are extremely high pigmented, work well on anybody, smooth, and shimmery where you get some dimension but not chunks of glittery-ness.

3. Revlon Eyeliner - doesn't matter if it's liquid or roll-up stick. This stuff STAYS. I can wear this all day without primer or topshadow, and even with doublelids, it smudges so little that only you would notice it if you stood 3 inches away from a mirror. Fantastical, blends very well for smoky eyes.

4. Covergirl eye quads - well formulated for a drugstore product, and cheap. The colors are magnificent. I have two, and I use them all the time. Their lighter colors (white, silver, pink) are extremely shimmery, velvety, and add gorgeous dimension. Their darker colors aren't as crazy pigmented, but on top of the L'oreal HiP Crayons? The color is vibrant and stands out.

5. Maybelline Quad in Chai Tea (or something "Chai" - these are perfect workhouse shades. The neutrals are awesome for contouring, and the copper is smooth and pigmented.

6. Maybelline Mousse Blush - smooth and velvety and buildable. The colors don't look washed out, and they stay very well.

7. Prescriptives Bronzer - the brown is gold-based and not orange, so you don't look fake at all. Baked Tan is an awesome cheek contouring color.

8. L'oreal HiP liners - okay, anything in the L'oreal HiP collection is definitely worth buying. But the teal color is legendary, gorgeous, and pops on the eyes. I have it. And I love it.

9. Maybelline Mineral POWDERS (not liquid) - doesn't break you out, smooth, not glittery, and looks very natural if you buff it correctly.

10. Maybelline Time Rewind Double Concealer - Highlighter on one end, and concealer on the other. The highlighter is pretty strong so only a teensy dab is great for both your cheekbones. The concealer covers up very well and has a nice yellow base to counteract dark tones.

If there's only 5 things on this list you can get, then get these (in order of GAH GET IT ALREADY):

1. L'oreal HiP Crayons
2. Maybelline Sky High Curves Waterproof Mascara
3. Covergirl Eye Quads (the one with white, black, silver, and plum burgundy is amazing)
4. Maybelline Time Rewind Double Concealer
5. Prescriptives Bronzer (Baked Tan)

Top 10 Quotes That Make Me Laugh

For some of them, I remember who said what and thusly credited them.

1. Give me one of those love smoothies.

2. That bug was bigger than God. It was a mountain! ..................wait. ~Yuan

3. My last wishes? I would like a cold beer and a stripper. Both of them preferably blonde. ~JL

4. Don't deflower my panda! (I have no idea why or how I remember this.)

5. Mom, it's okay. He's nice, polite, AND he's white and Republican.* ~Marianne

6. Where'd this milk come from? Christie? (Nope) Charlotte? (Not me) Did it come from.....God? (cue angels singing and sun shining) ~Heather

7. ....and then the test results came back and no, I didn't have a cold, I had an STD. Then I had to tell my mother and she started screaming at me for being a manwhore. And then a week later I looked at the test results again and realized that they weren't /my/ test results, they were my mother's.

....So I had a nice fall break. ~Ying

8. I'll even miss the potatoes. ~Hannah (I remember the most random things)

9. Nietzche is dead. ~God (If you get this you are a nerd.)

10. So I grabbed my sister's bra, put it on, and put oranges in them and bounced up and down...because I was curious, you know, about how it felt like....and then my sister walked into my room. ~Perry T.

*I noticed that a disproportionate number of my notes involves Republicans. I must secretly be in love with them or something. D:

Top 10 Signs I Had An Asian Thanksgiving

1. No turkey.

2. Nobody ate the white/American dishes.

3. The children were drinking beer.

4. There was actually good karaoke afterwards.

5. Nobody said what they were thankful for.

6. The only remotely traditional dish was mashed sweet potatoes. And that's a Chinese dish too.

7. Beer was drunk out of wineglasses.

8. Nobody understands the sentence, "No thank you, I'm full."

9. The moment somebody left the room, there was intense gossip about that somebody.

10. This morning, my dad took leftovers and made fried rice.

*Bonus sign*
Right after dinner, my mom made my little brother do math homework. o.o